Vancouver Blizzard 2005

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth ofdamage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance issome form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan arebeing flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quitenear zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattesbefore venturing out.Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except foremergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tirereported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it. Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breastimplants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op."The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "Ididn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and betreated like someone from Toronto."